Meet my friend Rose. I’ve known Rose for almost 6 years now and I’m truly grateful that she wanted to share her story of being in a toxic relationship and how she finally left it, moved on and healed.
We’ll get right to it.
Thank you so much Rose for sharing your story with the readers. I know so many of us get caught up and stuck in toxic relationships and feel helpless and hopeless to get out. Please tell us a bit about how your relationship started and if there were any early warning signs of toxicity and emotional abuse.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to tell my story. I am sharing my story so women can know that they are not alone.
I was 34 when we met. My relationship started off as “friends”, nothing serious, just two friends having a good time together.
When we made it official he immediately moved in with me, it was supposed to be only for a couple of months til he got his own place, but we practically lived together on and off for 5 years.
I didn’t see any red flags at the beginning, or I just didn’t know what to look for. I had never been in a toxic relationship before. This was the first partner I was so compatible and comfortable with, I felt like I was home.
I met his family and for the first time I felt like I had a family again. My mom died a few years ago and she was the only family I really had, so it was nice to have people to spend holidays with again, and that I knew loved me.
The emotional and toxic abuse started about 5 months after we started dating. It always happened when he got very drunk, his demons would come out. To make a very long story short, he’d get very drunk and violent (he never hit me, but would yell and break things), we would break up, and then a month later he’d be sober and be nice to me and I’d go back to him.
How long were you with your partner for and had you tried to end the relationship before you ended it permanently? If so, tell us why you ended up going back each time.
We were together for a total of 7 years. I always went back because I loved him and wanted it to work, I really thought he was my twin flame. He was the first person I enjoyed spending time with. I have never felt so comfortable with anyone, not even my friends.
He and I have similar backgrounds, we both grew up in two cultures.
What was the final straw for you and the catalyst for you to finally say no more and move on?
He slept with someone. As far as I know, he never cheated on me while we were together. When I found he had slept with someone else while we were still figuring things out, that made me finally open my eyes, and realize that he didn’t really love me, and it was time to finally put an end to it.
Please tell the readers how you healed from this emotional and mental abuse, sharing the tools you used and if you have any tips for women who are stuck in a toxic relationship to help them have the courage to leave.
I started to love myself more and put myself first. I went back to school, dove into work and started putting myself and my needs and wants first.
I finally began to see what people saw, he didn’t work, didn’t have aspirations or goals and surrounded himself with the same type of people. One day I woke up and saw that he was never going to change and that I didn’t want that type of partner in my life. I had no future with him, it was time to finally leave and never come back.
I am telling my story because I am a very smart and educated woman. I don’t come from a family of abuse, my parents were divorced but I always felt loved. I was the friend who would be the first to say kick him to curb if he doesn’t treat you like the queen that you are.
Sometimes we think that we will never be in a toxic relationship, “we’re too smart” for that, but it can happen. And it’s ok, there is no shame in loving someone, but we should never let that person treat us like shit.
It took me 7 years to love myself again and remind myself that I want more in life. I am still the woman that says kick him to curb, however, now I am also the woman that says it’s easier said than done. A support system is vital, don’t alienate your friends or family, they are the ones that will help you get through this.
Thank you so much Rose for sharing your story and your healing journey. I hope your courage and strength helps other women find the strength to leave their toxic relationship too!